Meeting Charlie

When Charlie came to visit Alex I froze solid and shut down. Alex was enthusiastic and excited to go out with Charlie and help him move into his brothers apartment.  While Charlie and Alex hung out at our apartment couple times Charlie told us about his ex girlfriend and the low and sad voice was difficult for me to open up because I just met Charlie and I was drinking, I was Alex new girlfriend. 

When I look back at just meeting Alex I wasn’t good all the time.  I treated Charlie cold and calculated like he was going to stir Alex into hard drinking and cheating.  I didn’t think to open up while Charlie was opening his heart to us in the cab one night about the woman who broke his heart and how much she wrecked his life. Charlie was smart, handsome, cool, and was searching for a job as a fresh architect coming out of college. 

I was too preoccupied with Alex who was too drunk to hold himself up.  When he fell out of the cab Charlie and I just left him laying on the pavement and I am so sorry for that and for not being more of a friend for Charlie but I didn’t know what to say or do.  Today I could see that it was Justin who I imagined Charlie seemingly to represent and I was the woman who ruined his heart or life.  But I knew it wasn’t Justin and yet it was a strong feeling as Charlie had that effect on me as a familiar and attractive friend who needed healing and I couldn’t help well enough so I just gave him a ride home after dropping off Alex at the apartment drunk and as he passed out I was obliged to take Charlie home that late night safely to his apartment.

Thanks to Sara driving me around the city a couple years back it was easy to navigate around the north side of chicago.  Charlie moved to California where he eventually found a job and we haven't heard from him after work picked up and nights out were too emotional at that time.

Soggy Cereal

O how inspiring the woman who has troubles with perfectionist  habits, she makes me feel less of a bum.  When I could look at the many hair parts on the top of my head, and the empty roll of toilet paper without changing it o it is a wonderful thing.  Can you remember the moment you know what to do only to begin right back where you left off?  What of the re polished nail polish that was already too thick?

When I hear that sad trial of words about me from my boyfriend while I'm trailing in and out of sleep that makes my heart sink with sorrow, and then there is that moment when you can catch a glimpse of a turning point to a over do dwelling.  Usually those moments come when you are deep in concentration and have to complete what you are doing or you're again right back where you left off and going no where.

Isn't it baffling when you work out and the pain is burning and all your senses go numb, your falling asleep, and you can only guess its from the thoughts that are jabbing at your mind at the time.  When you look up from intensive work and you then catch the attention of a million forgotten memories and thoughts rising out of your bosom faster than you could hold them and the word focus takes place over the real focus.

The hairs that never stop growing, the dull razor blades, the unknown skills you can and cannot possess, and the blurred curiosity between seasonings and bland pizza.  When its bland the cheese is rubbery, the sauce is skimpy, and the crust is cardboard.  When its seasoned there is cumin, or fennel on the surface, and the cheese is white and tastes like mozzarella and you don't pay attention to the amount of sauce or the flavor of the complicated crust because you know already without a doubt it is good. Good. Good.

I left my cereal sitting too long and although the milk was still chilled, and the top floating O shapes were dry, over 98% were bland, and soggy just like the perfectionists imperfect life.

Kreyna1980
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